Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
