He uses pillows to masturbate.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
