Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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