So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize