6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize