Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
