I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
