Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
