Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Randomize
