Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
