It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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