You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
