I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
