I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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