I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
