I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
