I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize