What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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