She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
