I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
