a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
