bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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