There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
