Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
