My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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