So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can I color on your dick again?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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