they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
