Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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