she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
