I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
