My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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