took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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