is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
