Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
