I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
