god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
