we're blogging at a bar
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I will be naked everywhere
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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