My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i drank out of a bidet.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
