I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
