Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
