When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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