Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
