I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
