if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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