ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
