Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
