OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
