Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
