Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
