I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I need water and some morals
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
