the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
