there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
