She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
