Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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