I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
