He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
