And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
