Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
