Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
