Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
