you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
