i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
