you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
