I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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