So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
