Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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