there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
