Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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