Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
