I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
