I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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