Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
